So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
