ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
Let's discuss options later this evening. I'll draw out said options and compare and contrast the "accessibility" of the costume for quickies. Because you never know. Halloween is full of surprises. I'll also compare practicality, level of skank, and creative features.
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize
