will power is for people who don't want to get laid
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
Randomize
