That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
Dude he did say "let's go cougar hunting" and you KNEW your mom was going out last night...so it's kind of your own fault for not coming
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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