It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Randomize