I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Did I show you my penis last night?
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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