My friends, they love my intelligence
so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
I didn’t want a minivan, but I have to admit it’s made it a lot easier to hook up with the dilfs at soccer tournaments
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