"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
