Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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