If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
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