he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
