dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize