There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
She bet her virginity on the Celtics. Looks like Kobe wont be the only one breaking in a new ring.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
