i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh god the rape fog is back!
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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