Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
