She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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