The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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