I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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