just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
