nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
