I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Randomize
