Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
Randomize
