And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
The fact that I can now puke rainbows on snapchat makes my life that much better
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
Randomize
