i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
