She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just gargled with NyQuil
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
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