My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
Randomize
