i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
Randomize
