I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize