yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
Are we still banned from the library?
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
