Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
As long as he continues to be our subleaser and continues to fuck me, I think it's acceptable for me to steal a piece of bread here and there.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
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