i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
