brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
