return my video game
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
