I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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