Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
