you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Wow just discovered I can communicate my favorite sex positions using only emojis god bless this age of technology
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
