I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Is it too weird if im a sexy tampon for halloween?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
There is a chick at the bar in a bumble bee onesie, complete with wings. Yeah, I must be back in Seattle.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
