I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Well I just put wine in my tea
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Randomize
