Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
Randomize
