there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
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