Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
Randomize
