youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I was gonna drive but when i tried to use telekinesis to get my keys, I knew I shouldn't be driving
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Randomize
