I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
Randomize
