He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Randomize
