I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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