We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
splinters make it hard to masturbate
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
Randomize
