Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
im drinking this country out of the recession.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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