guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
