I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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