Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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