I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
I don't remember her name, but I do remember yelling at her from the balcony of the hotel room during her walk of shame.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
