Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
