i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
