I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Randomize
