I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
Randomize
