She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
Randomize
