Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
