I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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