wat bout pragnant strippers??
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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