we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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