you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
